Start with cunnilingus...and a finger
The very very best way to go about anal is to begin orally: for me at least, a finger in the ass makes cunnilingus about a million percent more enjoyable. a few orgasms into the session, another finger can be added. a few minutes of this, and you'll be practically begging for anal sex... and you'll be both physically prepped and mentally ready for it.
Intensely intimate act - Anne, Age 35, Nova Scotia, Canada
I tried anal sex seven years ago with a former boyfriend. It was a spur of the moment decision, no lube, no nothing. He got inside me gradually, uncomfortably... and then I asked him to get out. There was nothing pleasurable about it. After that, I had two more boyfriends who were very interested in anal penetration and stimulation. I let one boyfriend stimulate my rosebud, but found nothing pleasurable from it, in fact, all I could think of was "there's a finger up my ass!" And again, this was with no lube. I refused to engage in any anal stimulation with these other two partners, giving or receiving.
That all has changed with my current
lover and partner. I feel a deep connection with him, which has allowed
me to let go of my inhibitions and trust him and the situation. Most
importantly, before we ever tried anal sex, my partner communicated his
desires to me, desires he'd had for a long time but had told nobody. He
felt safe enough to talk to me about them because I had been so open in
talking with him about sex, sexuality, and sexual desire. He told me
about all the research he had done on the topic- for example, use tons
of lube (if you think you have enough, use even more!) and that the
woman needed to be in total control of the situation. His understanding
of the most safe and pleasurable way to do it, and his respectful and
thoughtful communication of that (rather than in a laviscious, crude
way) gave me the courage and motivation to try it again.
My partner has gotten me more in touch with my ass than any man ever has, and I am both grateful for that and excited by it! The second time we did it, we used mirrors so that I could see him behind me-- views I'd never had before. This was *totally* arousing. I wish we had taken pictures. Now, I'm scanning the internet on a regular basis for pictures and stories of anal sex, and longing for the next time when we can touch one another in that manner again!
Explore each other - Sharon, Age 38
What tips can I offer on the subject of
Warming up with lube - Carrie, Age 43
Guys, pay attention to the girls on here--they
have it right for the most part.
Here's a tip we learned: Before we
begin, he takes two syringes from an old Delfen foam birth control kit
and fills them with KY jelly (from a tube). These syringes are
clear plastic, they come apart for cleaning and they are very smooth.
By this time I'm ready, and he can put on
his rubber and lube up his cock with some of the KY from the bottle.
He also puts some more of the bottle KY around my anus. I can't
emphasize enough that you have to use a LOT of lube.
Start with fingers and vibrators - Age 23, England
Let's be honest, it's a bit naughty, anal
sex. That's a turn on in itself. Men also appreciate that
it's quite rare for a girl to like it, so they tend to get quite excited
at the prospect (bless them). Don't let them rush in. Warm
up properly and for God's sake, LUBE. I can't stress that enough.
Listen to your lady - Nebraska
All I can say is that you guys need to listen to your women. I have had more than one experience with men that don't listen when I am giving them directions on positions and speed. I happen to enjoy anal sex alot, but not if I am in pain. The biggest tip that I can give you men is to let her lead you, even if it's not the masculine thing to do. She will only be leading you for a short time before you can take up the reigns and take the wild ride if you do it right.
Clearing the Way - Age 27, South Carolina
I use an enema early that morning when I know we are going to do it that night. Or I'll take a gentle laxative the night before. That way in the morning I'm all cleaned out. Trust me it helps to know that nothing is in there while he is going in. And like these other women said, get more lube. Makes everything feel so good!
Girls Love the Lube - Jude, Age 30, UK
A simple rule to remember before having anal sex: "Too much lube is almost enough." Always put more lube on/around your partner's anus than you'd expect to use.
Unvarnished Truth - Los Angeles, Age 35
Lube of course is very important. I did notice a few who forgot that all important thing. Spit does not work fellas; sorry, wrong answer. There is no lube in my asshole and all though I really enjoy anal I do make sure all is lubed and very clean first.
As far as watching pornos is concerned not a good idea. Pornos are made for men not women and they edit out the parts where, like one of the more tactful gentlemen put it, patience is a virtue.
Girls in pornos are simply pretending to like it most of the time. After all they are being paid to be good actresses. There are many things going on behind the scenes you are unaware of. After all it is just a movie and not real life. Now for the good stuff. Personally, I love to be licked all over and this includes my asshole especially when a man fucks it with his tongue. Fingers are nice if used gently and not rammed up me without proper lube. Toys can also work well with me if used properly. Thing is you need to ask questions especially if it is your first time having anal with a lady. Also, please make sure you are very hard before you try or else you will hurt the lady.
To Enema or Not to Enema - San Francisco, Age 52
One woman advised to use the bathroom before anal sex. I have found it is cleaner if I have not had to use the bathroom for at least an hour before having anal sex. Also, having an enema before anal sex may make the woman more susceptible to bacteria introduced into her colon if she participates in unprotected anal sex, so one should consider if this is the best way to proceed. If a condom is used, an enema is unnecessary anyway, isn't it?
When the man is entering me, I push out, as if I am trying to void.
Doing this relaxes my sphincter muscle and opens my anus. If we have
used enough of my lube plus KY to make me nice and juicy, he will slide
Takes practice - New York
The first time I did it, I remember my boyfriend just sticking it in and I had the worst pain. Sex was a dead issue after that! But a few months later, I opened my eyes. I started with lots of lube and a small vibrator. Eventually my boyfriend worked me up and I had anal sex for the first time. It's not something we do all the time, but if we are drunk or loose ourselves a little, we will do it. Sometimes I am in the mood for it. I also have begun penetrating him a little. He has the best orgasms when I do it. Don't be afraid, just go slow and relax. LUBE LUBE LUBE
On my stomach - Age 20, Riverside, CA
Lying flat on my stomach is better for me when my husband inserts himself. After a couple minutes of going slowly he can fully thrust himself at any pace he wishes.
On his knees - Age 18, North Carolina
I always like to start out with a deep session of getting eaten out... just to get hot and wet. The best position I've came to love is me laying on my back, with my future husband on his knees between my legs. It doesn't hurt at all, it only feels great. He plays with my clit while he's making love to me anally, this makes the orgasm more intense and hard. Oh, and don't forget, lube, lube, lube, lube!!!
Practice by yourself - Age 30, North Carolina
I recommend, first and foremost, patience and lots of lube. Experiment with different lubricants, K-Y is not the only lubricant out there. My personal favorite is I-D Glide.
Experiment by yourself in the shower using a small dildo and lots of lubricant. Do not be afraid to enjoy the sensation or be shy about asking your partner. It turns out when my husband and I saw anal sex in an adult movie, we both ended up admitting we had been thinking about it for weeks (think of all the fun time wasted).
Go slow at first. I personally like to enema first and shower. That way there are no inhibitions about the "gross out" factor. That way you BOTH are free to enjoy the experience.
On your side - Anna, Canada
1) You need
and want to use lube. It may be painful the first time but ahhhh.. once
you try it and if it's done right you will love it!
First poop - Nicole, Florida, Age 22
Make sure you poop first or else his cock will compress all your poop and it's gonna be really hard to shit.
Try on your own first - Annabel, Chicago, Age 19
The first time my ex and I did it, it hurt. I asked him to stop and we didn't try again. Now that I am single, I think about it a lot. I read up on the subject and I learned a lot of things I wish I knew the first time I tried it.
After some research I decided to get myself a small dildo and try it on my own. I got lots of lube and I masturbated for a while, and when I got really turned on I went for it. I was really relaxed and I went very slowly at first. It wasn't long before I was inserting the dildo as far and as fast as I could. All it took was some getting used to. I recommend trying it with small toys and your finger before you go in with the penis. It's just too large. If your lady is shy about trying it with you, ask her if she'd like to do it alone, see if she likes the sensation, she might be at ease when she realizes it is really pleasant and relaxing.
Another thing I recommend, talk about your concerns. I bet most women might be shy to try it because they are afraid you might get grossed out. Explain to them that no matter what happens, it wont turn you off, and you're understanding of the fact that the anus isn't the cleanest area of the body, even after you're showered.
Make her trust you, show her that you care for her and no matter what you will stay just as attracted to her as before. Insecurities for women ruin a lot of good sex.
Get wet - Poplar Bluff, MO
always find that anal sex is a lot less painful the more turned on I am. I never let my husband hit the back door until the front door is sloppy wet.
Hop on top - Australia, Age 20
As a woman who really likes anal sex, my best bit of advice to first time girls is sit on top of your guy so you are in full control. It can be a teeny bit awkward but it means you're in full control of how far/hard/fast things go. Plus, he can play with your clit and pussy while you fuck him. It drives guys wild.
Don't ignore the clit - Dallas
Be sure she uses the restroom beforehand! You don't want anything on yourself when you pull out, do you? Ugh. Anyway, I absolutely can't do it unless I'm getting some sort of clitoral stimulation at the same time. As long as that's going on, it's fun. Get her to use a vibrator, or even a dildo while you're busy back there, and it should be pleasant for her.
Listen up! - Karen, Michigan, Age 22
Patience! and Plenty of KY! Start slow with something small. Make sure she knows that she/he is in charge and if they say "No," or "Stop" then you immediately stop. It may not work the first time but if she trusts you, and you've listened to her in the past, she'll be willing to try again! Hello fans!
Stimulate the clit - "A chick who likes it," New York, Age 29
My boyfriend and I have been doing it for a while. First step is to start small. For instance, use your lubed up pinkie finger during oral sex or any other clitoral stimulation. It's also really good to use a small vibrator/dildo or something like that.
The most important is clitoral stimulation, I think if you play with her clit during any kind of anal play (including anal sex) she WILL COME REALLY REALLY HARD -- like fireworks will go off an violins will play. This will make her want it again. There's my two cents.
Dos and Don'ts - mjcat, Ohio
What you need to get started:
Wash up first and lots of lube - Anonymous woman, NY
I never gave it a second thought. Me and my guy never even talked about. We were fooling around one time, and it slipped in. We didn't pursue it, but because I was so wet at the time, it didn't hurt. I was interested in trying it fully, so I suggested getting some anal-specific lube, and it *really* worked well. It slipped right in with no pain. Never try it without lubrication, that's the biggest key.
He did it very slowly, because the pressure inside can be uncomfortable if it goes too fast on first entrance, as well as any normal discomfort of having something a couple times the size of your asshole plowing in. This is something that takes a lot of relaxation and trust for a female who is an anal virgin. If your girl shows in other ways that she is into new ideas, this might be easier. If she feels gross about it (it is after all her ass) prepare her by showering together so she feels *clean*. I read on a gay website somewhere that the person on the receiving end should make sure they shit before they try it, so you might want to gently suggest that as well. All in all it wasn't a bad experience for me and it certainly wasn't painful.
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